This should be entertaining. I've written a Java class
representing the satellite. Probably better than what they've got, and
it didn't cost ANYTHING. Of course, mine doesn't have the code
coverage their program probably has.
You might say, "Hey, where's the class definition/implementation
for BlackOak, PentakK1000, Usenet, etc.?" To this I reply,
"It's in the rest of the bureaucratic_mess package!". Isn't
Java great? All that information hiding...
----------
package bureaucratic_mess;
import java.awt.Graphics;
import java.awt.Image;
/**
* Class Spy_Satellite
* @extends Satellite
* #see also Planned_Obsolescence
*/
class Spy_Satellite extends Satellite {
byte numPics;
Image pics[];
BlackOak shield;
PentakK1000 camera;
Usenet news_base;
/**
* Initialize spy satellite.
*/
SpySatellite() {
numPics = 0;
pics = new Image[24];
shield = new BlackOak();
camera = new PentakK1000();
news_base = new Usenet(); // Usenet 2, anyone?
}
/**
* Take a picture, if film available. Upload to appropriate
* newsgroup, if specified.
* @boolean pict_erotica Specifies whether this is top-priority
* image, requiring extra measures.
*/
public void snapShot(boolean pict_erotica) {
if(numPics < 24) {
camera.shootFrame(pics[numPics]);
if (pict_erotica)
news_base.post("alt.binaries.pictures.erotica",
pics[numPics]);
numPics++;
}
}
/**
* Develop an image from 0..N-1.
* @int frame The frame to develop.
*/
public Image developFilm(int frame) {
/* Is Java short circuit, anyone? Bueller? Bueller? */
if(numPics > 0 && frame >= 0 && frame < 24) {
useSubversiveTechniques();
return pics[frame];
}
}
/**
* Utilize subversive techniques to distract as much of the
* populace from noticing our film in transit as possible.
* Again, be sure to post to appropriate newsgroup.
*/
public void useSubversiveTechniques() {
String s = new String("How do I download and view GIFs/JPEGs?");
news_base.post("comp.lang.java", s);
}
/**
* Burn up the satellite when it falls into the atmosphere,
* as planned.
*/
public void burnOnReentry() {
System.out.println("EBU, here we come!");
shield.pray();
}
}
>
> > A question I just thought of; were they PLANNING on having the
> > thing fall from the sky? Why else would they provide it with
> > a heat shield with re-entry?
>
> Yep - It seems they're still using film-return capsules for their
> spysats. i.e., point a TV camera down to get a general idea of what
> you're looking at, then snap the shutter on your Pentax K-1000 cum
> telescope. Once your 24 exposures are done, de-orbit on top of your
> friendly neighborhood Foto-mat. Repeat.
>
> They're planning a manned space flight early next century. I shudder.
>
> -- Adam
>
